Hey all, this is going to be a different kinda blog post. This will be the kind of blog post where the next line you read you’ll be thinking, “why, whats so special about this one?” Well, allow me to explain in the best way I can, with a story behind the post. So grab your drink and your comfy pillow, chair, “spot” and lets dive in.
As you all know, or don’t (pick a side) I have been a portrait photographer for well over (just say it) years. I have photographed families, big and small. Little ones, newborn and up, and events, from weddings to baptisms. I enjoyed every single one. I cant say that one was better then the other. That’s like asking a mother to pick her favorite child. Each session was like a child to me. I nurtured the event, helped the family to learn to love the camera, and swaddled the babies like they were mine. And in all those years, I had a longing for something else. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE photographing people. Its my thing. But as you will see in a few paragraphs, something happened along the way.
This has turned out to be a wonderful month! I can see all the blooms and the birds, the flowers are alive and my little garden is smelling so sweet. This year I didn’t do too much planting and I think it is because of all the rain we had. I didn’t know when to put away my winter clothes and when to unpack my summer ones. But I can see that the weather has changed and my flip flops are out. I love when the weather changes, truth be told, I am a true summer child in every sense of the word. I love walking around barefoot tee shirt and shorts with my shades on. Winter is not for me. I bundle up when its 68 degrees out. if its 79 I still wear a sweater, but let the mercury hit 85 and I am smiling from ear to ear.
These past months, have been a wonderful journey for me. First I came to terms with the death of my beloved father. I had a very hard time. There were times I felt so alone, I called him every day to see what he was up too and to get some much needed advise. for the first couple of months after he passed I would pick up the phone to call and realize, I couldn’t. I started calling my mom every day more then once. I wanted to hear her voice. I wanted to know I was still with him in a way. I have to admit, bereavement counseling was a life saver. It gave me a chance to talk about what I was feeling, the anger, the hurt and finally, the acceptance. My father wrote a beautiful letter to us stating that he didn’t want us to mourn him. He said we must take each day as he taught us and live our life as such. That was hard. Understanding what he meant was hard and I did not want to understand. To me, understanding was accepting he was gone and I was not ready for that. But slowly, as the 1 year anniversary of his passing came, I realized I was not crying every day, I was not missing him with heartache, but with love. It has been 1 year and four months since he left, and I would be lying if I said, I am ok. But what I can say, is I am better then I was a year ago.
Another huge change that has happened, or that I have decided, is my retirement from portrait photography. I have been doing this for 13 years. It has been a wonderful business and a great journey. But I feel a need to move to another creative avenue. Something that will give me a new “light” in me. Photography has been a joy. The families and events I have done have given me so much. I made new and dear friends, I have learned how to express myself through the eye of my lens. And I have loved every minute. I truly feel in my heart that my Heavenly Father is calling me on another journey. One that I will lift Him up and praise Him. You all know I am a devote Christian I don’t make a move without prayer. I have been praying for a year for God to give me guidance and direction in this. I finally feel I have His blessing and an answer.
What is the next chapter ? Well honestly, I don’t know. I do know I will still be doing photography that will never leave me. It is such an expressive way to view the world. And truth be told, if someone asked if I could do their wedding, or senior portraits, I probably will. I will also still second shoot for anyone that asks. I will say the portrait studio side, will be phased out. I have slowing started to change out my business page, and my website will be gone after May. It took me some time to realize that I wanted to do something else. Something creative. I love making things. Cards, crafts, things like that. For now, I will focus on that, my creative projects. And maybe, some day soon, I will be in a place that leads me to what my purpose is. But for now, I will just be still and listen.