Drinking the Kool Aide

IDSC_0123-Edit have been there, more than once.  When  a Friday feels like a Monday?  When an hour at home turns into I only have thirty minutes to get ready.  Well, those are signs of my journey.  When I force the day because I think “isn’t this what I’m suppose to do?”  I planned it this way, it should all be falling into place.  But it’s not.  Because I forgot who’s plan it is.  We all have one.  Either its a plan, a journey, a path or quest.    In my case, its a journey and sometimes I forget who’s driving.   I  bury my head down, push myself and force my way of thinking, this is  the right way.  The right path.  My path,  and I forgot it is not my plan,  sometimes, what we want to do, is not what we were meant to do .  In the process,  I forget who’s plan it is .   At times I have to remind myself, “Remember who’s plan is better.”  Not mine.  If fact, if I were to be perfectly honest, my plan has really never ever worked out.  EVER …A long time ago I thought to open my very own studio.  I was going to do it all by myself, and claim it.  “I did this, not any one else, so only I can take the credit.”  But in doing so, and forgetting Who’s plan needs to be first, I failed.  My studio closed and so did my past along with it.  Slowly I thought it was crumbling piece by piece.  But little did I know, HIS plan was working, even through my  failures. Especially, through my failures.  I may have lost my studio, but I think I lost something else.  I lost my ego.  My pride and my crutch.  To me those are three things that I can do without.  Once I let go, I  learned so much more.  I learned that failure is not defeat.  It’s  not letting anyone down, not me, not my family and especially not God.  To fail is another way of learning.  Its an attempt to make things right.  Its a chance to do it over again.  And that’s okay. To  F.A.I.L means  First Attempt In Learning.    Its a reminder to not be so hard on myself, and in the same breath, not be hard on others.  When we fail, we are really learning something new.

I’m stating over.  The studio is coming along.  This time, instead of wanting it now and jumping head first, eyes closed,  I’m learning to be patient.
Instead drinking “the Kool Aide” without knowing whats in it, I’m taking my time, going slowly, catching my breath.  These are  lessons I am willing to learn.  Because this time, I’m in.  All in.  Head, heart and mind.  So, I’ll start again, and I will learn something new.  If I fail again, then another lesson will be at the next turn.  and I’m okay with that too.

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