Drinking the Kool Aide

IDSC_0123-Edit have been there, more than once.  When  a Friday feels like a Monday?  When an hour at home turns into I only have thirty minutes to get ready.  Well, those are signs of my journey.  When I force the day because I think “isn’t this what I’m suppose to do?”  I planned it this way, it should all be falling into place.  But it’s not.  Because I forgot who’s plan it is.  We all have one.  Either its a plan, a journey, a path or quest.    In my case, its a journey and sometimes I forget who’s driving.   I  bury my head down, push myself and force my way of thinking, this is  the right way.  The right path.  My path,  and I forgot it is not my plan,  sometimes, what we want to do, is not what we were meant to do .  In the process,  I forget who’s plan it is .   At times I have to remind myself, “Remember who’s plan is better.”  Not mine.  If fact, if I were to be perfectly honest, my plan has really never ever worked out.  EVER …A long time ago I thought to open my very own studio.  I was going to do it all by myself, and claim it.  “I did this, not any one else, so only I can take the credit.”  But in doing so, and forgetting Who’s plan needs to be first, I failed.  My studio closed and so did my past along with it.  Slowly I thought it was crumbling piece by piece.  But little did I know, HIS plan was working, even through my  failures. Especially, through my failures.  I may have lost my studio, but I think I lost something else.  I lost my ego.  My pride and my crutch.  To me those are three things that I can do without.  Once I let go, I  learned so much more.  I learned that failure is not defeat.  It’s  not letting anyone down, not me, not my family and especially not God.  To fail is another way of learning.  Its an attempt to make things right.  Its a chance to do it over again.  And that’s okay. To  F.A.I.L means  First Attempt In Learning.    Its a reminder to not be so hard on myself, and in the same breath, not be hard on others.  When we fail, we are really learning something new.

I’m stating over.  The studio is coming along.  This time, instead of wanting it now and jumping head first, eyes closed,  I’m learning to be patient.
Instead drinking “the Kool Aide” without knowing whats in it, I’m taking my time, going slowly, catching my breath.  These are  lessons I am willing to learn.  Because this time, I’m in.  All in.  Head, heart and mind.  So, I’ll start again, and I will learn something new.  If I fail again, then another lesson will be at the next turn.  and I’m okay with that too.

Memories Renewed

This past Sunday was Easter.  I’m finding more and more reasons to celebrate such a beautiful time.  Knowing just how much God loves me, my family and  all of us.  It truly gives me chills every time I think about it.  Every sin, every transgression, every wrong, has been paid in full.   The ultimate sacrifice through Christ was for our sins.  Knowing that, helps me to understand what I am here for.  For love.  For forgiveness.  For each other.

My family has been through so much I cant even imagine what they have endured on their own.  We share so many memories, good and bad.  Happy, and sad.  But the one thing that I can say that stands out is that they have always come together.  Hurt only stays for as long as you want to hold on to it….Love endures forever.  As we enjoy our family, making memories, sharing stories.  I want to also remember where we are going. To be reminded of the future of our lives.   I have a longing to keep our family safe, even when they are not in the same household.  Family can be thousands of miles away and still need you.  My desire or “prayer” when I end my day is so that everyone strive for hope.  Strive to make their journey not a struggle but a climb.  We can do at least that much in honor of the One who sacrificed the ultimate for us…for me…for you.  Happy Easter everyone



Its Monday All day

I was working at Carols’ studio this weekend.  Carol is an artist in Davis, California that works with pen and pencil.  Very intricate and very detailed.  She has been a return client for over two years now and we have established a fond relationship.  I look up to her not only as an artist but as a mentor for empowerment.  Carol just does what she wants and does it in a very positive way.  Not pushy or rude.  She is  pretty cool.  Dick is her confidant, her “go get guy” and her husband.  He is pretty awesome in his own right.

In the years that I have known Carol, she has given me her views on quite a few things.  And I have listened, some not my cup of tea, but most…she hits the nail right on my head.  One day when all  was going its own way.  I told her about how I lost the studio and how everything was taking a turn I was not happy with.  She looks at me and states, “so stop it.”  And just as easy as those words came from her mouth, I thought “why dont I?”  Sometimes we forget that.  We forget that we can undo as much as we can do.

Carol the artists


I tend to see others as the “artist”.  Not me, I see my work as a way to express myself or something that I do.  But when I started to work with Carol and seeing how she saw my work as “art” then I started to believe in my work.  I once had some one tell me, “photograph is not an art, that’s silly to think that.”  Now that I think about it, when I told Carol that she giggled and said, “that’s a silly statement in its own right.”  She then began to tell me that art is.  Period.  We may not see art in a wall with a red dot on it, but someone will.  Just because I don’t use a paint brush or paint.  Or just because I don’t have canvas frames around my studio.  Or maybe my studio is my home, that doesn’t define the art.  I do, I define what is my art.  No one else.  If God gave me a gift., how shameful is it of me not to use it.  Show it.  EXPRESS it.

When you have paint, you paint

When you have paint, you paint.  When I have a vision in my head.  I try to show it in my way.  Photography.  I am grateful that I have the means to be able to do that.

any cup is only as full or as empty as you see it

You if you have a thought in your head that you cant do something or your work is not something.  Don’t be defeated by those words, even if they are your own.  Remember what Carol said.  “That is a silly statement in its own right.”  and move on.

Out and Bout life

It reminded me of our trip.  How the light came across each place differently.  I am facinated by light.  How it moves, where its dense where its dim, where it shines brightest.

So, yesterday we decided to add more to our plate.  Thus, the phrase “too much on your plate”. Off we forged into the wild and uncharted areas of..gallery viewing. Our first thoughts were to get out there and experience art.  Our adventure started in none other than Yolo County. The art mecca of Northern California, or so it would be for us.  Plus, it is the closes we are to fine art galleries and eating. First stop.  The Pence.  Pence Art Gallery is  on D Street in Davis California.  The gallery show cases local artist and offers high caliber art exhibits and educational programs for visitors of all ages..   Hey,  would  that be me?  We shall soon see.  It was a great day trip and we got to experience something we thought was out of our element.  Were we ever wrong.  Photography IS art!  I am an artist of light.  Some draw it, some write about it, I see it, and manipulate it to the point of seeing it.  awesomeness.  Steve enjoyed the art sculptures and some of the different ways photographs were used in  those sculptures.  I was mesmerized by the room. The whole building glowed by the light from all the windows.